No, totally the opposite. It wasn’t at all. I ran away from home, ran away from school and wondered where I fitted in the society. I tried everything and then I was on Crete with my two children, they were 11 and 14, living in a cave and we had fresh water, it was fresh water beach so I put everything there and I was smoking. One boat a week came round and we got supplies from there and totally wrong with, didn’t wear any clothes and one of my kids was 14, bless him. Anyway, in this cave which later it turned out, because the Greek needed to get Mother present, it turned out it was this swayambhu that I was living in, this black rock and a voice, adorning came in the bottom, came into my heart right inside and it said, I remember it so clearly, it’s not a sort of word I would use, it said, what you were looking for you will find in the bottom of your heart.It was this sort of dawning and within one week I have my realization. This was from Crete, back to Brighton and so I went home, straight back to Brighton and I was just about to go into meditation, all the false gurus there, everything on the table and the person who was looking after my cat and everything while we were traveling said, I know someone, I’ve got a friend, he’s into that sort of thing as well and he gets a cool breeze of hot tea.I said, that’s it, that’s it, you got to tape me. It was Kingsley. Kingsley, went just, his girlfriend was in London and he got his realization three weeks, he was the only person outside of London, in Brighton, which is Shri Ganesha anyway. I kept saying, you must take me when you went there and he was all shaking, it was very exaggerated then and this chap came down, long hair and red and all these cats and went up to his sitting room with this pyramid in his room and there was …
-He was just in red?
Just in red with long hair and his cats. There was this mirror on the wall and there were all these pictures there and there was a little photocopy of Shri Mataji in black and white, you could hardly see it and he said, that’s the picture of God. I remember thinking, I’m so glad God’s female. Anyway, we sat in front of this mirror and I could see myself in this mirror and I could see this smile getting absolutely fixed here and he said, I’m just going to say some words which might help and on the back of a piece of paper, a newspaper at the side, he’s written on the side Om Twameva Sakshat, it was actually Mother’s mantra. Anyway, I said, whatever it is, I think I’ve got it. I feel amazing, I’ve got it. This big grin. He said, that’s great, wish we have a joint to celebrate because this is what you did when you do groups. I said, I feel pretty stoned already. He said, so do I. It was just great, we were talking and within a few minutes the whole thing made sense reincarnation, and that was it. I went home singing Lord is my shepherd at night and in the morning I thought this is amazing. I saw my friend, I said this is, I didn’t realize that the heaven and the bliss and everything you were looking for could be like this. Because I thought that was illegal and it was just amazing. and that was it.
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